Its good to see you down there!

Elizabeth said it best "It all begins with One!"

I realize its been a while since I've written and I'm sorry, there really has been too much going on to keep my away from my laptop. 

The good news is, for the first time in about 10 years, I weigh under 200lbs!  199.8 was my official weigh in this week.  YAY! I celebrated by eating healthy, and then planning a splurge day at Worlds of Fun riding all the fun rides and eating things like Cinnabons.  Ironically enough, I totally regret eating terrible--my stomach was not happy this morning, but I did NOT go over my weekly points, which is fantastic.  I have been traveling and took on the new challenge of "real world" eating, meaning that I left my meal plan behind and challenged myself to eat healthy by the seat of my pants.  I did very well I must say.  The key is to portion control and use logic to determine what you should eat. 

I'm also excited to say my the best friend has joined me in the weight loss adventure.  She is doing very very well.  She was not happy when I coaxed her (may be tricked her) into walking a 5k with me one hot afternoon.  Its good to have more support. 

I realize all in all this is very short and choppy, but I wanted to stop in and give an update of what's going on.  I hope to be back with my new 50lbs loss soon and that will entail all sorts of fun new pictures and goals!

until then--live well!

Has it been worth it really?

Well today I weighed in at a great 204.0, it feels great.  Of course I can't wait until I see the big (or small) 199.  I was working really hard this week to set some new disciplines into my life and make some new changes.  I realized that there are thing even if it says its 0pts that I need to count as 1-2pts because of what its done to my weight.  I am now walking, taking a workout class (belly dancing hey!) with my sisters and hopefully can take one more class somewhere soon.  I am still eating a very healthy breakfast and am starting to look out my sodium counts especially at nights.  I have noticed my body is starting to change its response to things and I am actually becoming much more sensitive to things I put in my body (and that's not necessarily a bad thing).  I have over time decreased my milk and dairy intake because of lactose sensitivity (I won't use intolerance because its only when I have it in excess).  I also would like to decrease my corn and gluten intake due to some stomach issues these food items have been linked to that I've had.  All that to say, wow, I cannot believe I am looking like a health freak.  hahaha!  I would say that I have genuinely changed, I want different things than I used to, my cravings are changing.  That's what this is all about, teaching myself how to live healthy in a normal and everyday way.  I've began to let how my body feels steer my decisions over how food tastes. 
With that said, something happened with joining ww I didn't expect.  I've made friends, a social network.  Not just in my meeting, but in the early morning meeting as well.  There specifically two girls I have connected with who I have loved getting to know and you know, that makes a big difference with how motivated I am to keep going.  I look forward to seeing these girls- the down side being they are in two different meetings so now I find myself wanting to change up which one I go to.  This isn't just something I've squeezed into my budget and schedule, this has added a whole new dynamic to who I am.  Its become intertwined with who I am now. 
Somewhere down the road I started caring about how I treated myself and made changes to be proud of it.  I can say I think I look good-I appreciate when I catch a guy's eye because I think  I agree with him....I look good.  I know I have a long way to go before I am satisfied with my weight, but I am so enjoying the results along the way-the body, decisions and friends.
~you reap what you sow.

Forty is SOOOO the new Twenty

Well I know its been a while since I've post but let me tell this blog is worth reading!!!!

Lets start by what the weeks immediately following my last post looked like.  I was 3lbs away from hitting the big 4-0 and I was excited to get there.  I was eating right, walking about 2 days a week for an hour or so, staying away from too many bad things and limiting and finding ways to shave off points from bad things I did eat.  I was so stoked to see my weight drop.....but it didn't.  not at all.  not one ounce.  not any day.  not any night.  I. Was. Stuck.  and FRUSTRATED!!!!! I said "surely I wouldn't plateau 3lbs before my 40 and 7lbs before I reached 199?!?!?!?!"  But the scale didn't change....except...TO GO UP!!!! nonononononononono this cannot be right!  I am doing everything I know to do.  I am eating fruit, protein, lean meats, salads, diet sodas, waters, teas, avoided breads, avoided fast food, avoided my soy lattes!!!!!!! All to have the scale go up?!?!?!?  So I sat down one night and said to myself "what would Martha tell me?" (Martha being my WW leader)  I had missed my last meeting-I was apparently not feeling well and exhausted and literally slept through three alarms.  I missed WW and couldn't wait to get back there.  So after thinking it though on Monday, the only change that I could come up with to make was to start eating a bigger breakfast.  I am used to eating between a 2-6 point breakfast (the 2 points consisted of coffee and creamer and I noted that I had made a bit of a habit making that my only breakfast mos days).   I thought-may be if I eat a bigger breakfast my body's metabolism will boost, I'll least less points at lunch and dinner, and may be the scale will drop.  Meanwhile at work, my co-worker had asked me if I wanted to go to an impromptu WW meeting since we'd both missed and felt the need to go, so we went.  IT WAS SOOOOO PAINFUL!!!! Not only did I have my very first weigh-in gain, but the leader was no where near at relatable as my awesome Martha.   However, the topic of conversation this week happened to be on the importance of breakfast--hmmmmm, I was just saying the same thing myself.  So my co-worker and I got pumped about breakfast and over the next week we ate it up!  I moved my breakfast points to an average of 8 points each and every day (11 on Sunday--cuz I had my latte!).  Finally the scale moved back down to the plateau level, and then slightly passed, and yesterday morning after three long weeks I hit my 40lbs! Even after eating cookies on Saturday and two catered meals on Sunday I still hit my 40 again this morning!  Breakfast did it, I truly think that is making a world of difference.  My body is happy again, I feel like I overcame a huge obstacle and now am ready for the next leg of my journey.
I am now looking back at my next landmark goals, in case you don't remember from way back in March I'll fill you in:
At 194.2lbs I will
1.be below 200 for the first time since my junior year of highschool
2.have lost 20% of my weight
3.be at my 50lbs loss
4.post some new before and after pictures (including the one that was a wake up call to my weight)
5.be working out 2-3 days a week
6.be in a size 14-16
7.set my ultimate goal
All that to say these next 10lbs are very important to me because it is the closing of one chapter of my "get healthy" theme, and into the next one.

BTW....I LOOK GOOOOOOOOOOOOD! ;) hahahahaha

Do you have any change on you?

Well It has been 5 months since I started losing weight and it has been quite a journey.  You know, I recently compared myself to Frodo from Lord of the Rings in that, I had a journey and a task to accomplish and thanks to my awesome support I'll get there.  Ok, well may be you won't see the similarities on here because I post once a week briefly about my journey, but trust me, I couldn't be succeeding in my life without my support.  When I made the decision to change my lifestyle I have to be honest, I didn't think I'd actually do it. When I signed up for WW the end of December I have to be honest, I didn't think I'd stick with it.  When I lost 5lbs I have to be honest, I just thought I'd gain it back (and more).  I have never been sure about my succeeding in my changes-after all, I have been living life undisciplined and growing worse for 26 years.  I thought my trying to "fix" my life was a result of my being hit by a car and all the chaos that came with it-as a way to control SOMETHING in my life when so little has been manageable over the last year.  I remember feeling so awkward in my first meeting, by myself, late to weigh-in, and hoping my friend Elizabeth wouldn't snub me.  I didn't know what exactly I was getting into, but I jumped head first.  When I started this blog, it wasn't for you, it was for me...I thought, well may be people will ask me about this and then that'll be motivating to keep it up so I don't fail in front of everyone I know.
Now 37lbs later, I still find myself wondering if I'm going to give up, fail.  I wonder if I'm going to binge eat.  I wonder if I'll spiral out of control and end up like so many of the patients at my work-unable to get out of their chairs, walk, may be lose their leg, teeth.  I fear living unhealthily.  We all were not meant to live like that.   Then I remember my day-to-day living; where I don't want to cook and my thoughts wonder was fast-food restaurant I want...and nothing sounds good.  So I make veggies and a lean meat dinner.  Where I choose strawberries over pop-tarts.  Where I choose one cookie over 5 because I remember how I feel afterward.  Where I no longer like or enjoy the feeling full and overly stuffed after a meal.  Where veggies make me feel "cleaner" on the inside.  Where I choose foods that wake me up and not bog me down.  Then I start thinking, may be I have changed.  Just may be I am now a healthy living girl after all.  May be I am past the point of no return where even if I do have a bad-food day that immediately my first thought it "how can I make up for it tomorrow?"  May be it has now become important to practice what I preach to all of my patients. 
I now right this blog not only for myself, but to encourage those who read it that I can do you-you can do it.  Lets give my hospital less reasons to grow.  Lets look to our kids and future grand kids and how we can make our lives together not just longer, but happier, more content, more quality. 

i'm on fire! no really....

ok tragedy unveiled this weekend as i was on my way to my weekly meetings to excitedly weigh in was i was hoping was a huge loss.  i had enough time to stop at starbucks for my usual venti soy no whip cinnamon dolce latte.  long story short, i came outside and my car was on fire.  no big deal, seriously, was out in an instant, but i missed my meeting. i did get a new car though.  i did my own "weigh-in" and weighed in at a whopping 209.6 which is a loss of 3.4lbs!  okay so i have been tracking this weekend and i am so far doing very well, i have only used 11 points of my weekly stash which is phenomenal considering i went to a royals game and had mexican on sunday.  so far so good!  i am almost in a size 14...woohoo! i am loving this journey.

temped tasted and totally tossed out tracking

Well I did it.  I hit my 30 mark...31.2 to be exact! YAY.  unfortunately that all went out the window when i ate...and ate...and ate.  oops. ok so confession.  weekends are tough for me.  I want a break from all the discipline so i relax, stop tracking, and eat.  I like to save the majority of my weekly points for the weekend because #1. its the weekend, and #2. Its the first two days after my meeting and that gives me the following 5 days to get it together again. Now, I try to really not overdue it, but for those of you who are experienced at all....every now and again a tune up is in order. So last weekend I knew I had over did it, I did not know by how much but I figured I needed to start tracking over the weekend...which ironically enough was the topic of conversation in this week's weight watcher meeting.  So, I did pretty good Saturday with my latte for breakfast, chipotle burrito bowl salad for lunch, and oklahoma joe's for dinner (did i say good? hehe I meant ok).  I used all my daily points and 12 weekly points...nope, I meant 30....I forgot the fries.  Sunday...easter....need I say more?!?!?! holy cow, I used appx 80 points that day....more than double my daily allowance! ok, so that was really really REALLY bad.  Here's my deal....Wow, I am glad a tracked! Because I have set myself up for success the rest of the week, planning healthy meals, lots of fruit and small low point treats to tied me over.  I feel full and satisfied, and like I could still lose weight even if I was the very definition of a glutton  this weekend.  That's what its all about, the fact that I am finally realizing, I don't have to go on month long (or longer) binges and month long diets anymore, I can feel great about eating healthy and even feel great that even if a mess up, I can still get it right the next day. 
On the "body" side of things, I notice my body is feel looser, which is nice to not feel bloated or restrained in my own body.  On the down side, I am getting flabby! gross! lol I feel like jell-o sometimes with how un-toned my body is.  On the up side, my dear friend Elizabeth handed me a bag full of her "down-a-size" collection and I am super excited to say I can easily fit into them. I remember her wearing these items and I get excited that may be I look that good! 
Working out....O man, I want to work out, but I haven't really found my nitch yet.  I wish I knew what it was that I like to do for working out. 
Ok, I am done rambling, but I will say that overall, I feel great and my instructor quoted a fellow member and I will do my best to replicate it.  "Its hard to track food, eat right, discipline your body.  Its hard to look in a crowded room and feel like the fattest person there, to have low self-esteem, and to feel trapped in your own body--you have to choose your 'hard'".

Missing the Mark

Well, I didn't gain, but I didn't hit my mark...I wanted that 30lbs this week.  My weigh-in??? 29.8!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?! .2lbs off!  I know I know, I'll hit it next week, but COME ON! So how did I handle this "devestation"? lol Well, after the meeting I went to Starbucks for my venti soy latte, after work, I went to  Chipotle....and got a full 22pt burrito and chips and guac, o and a soda (non-diet).  Why?!?!?! I didn't enjoy the burrito and couldn't finish it or the chips, but why did I feel the need to just go back to my old ways? O man, I felt terrible.  It was so silly, I really ate what I shouldn't and even though I allow some grace and weekly points for my weekends, I set myself for a failed weekend.  I mean, if I had evaluated my situation, I'd have to be honest about the fact that I didn't work out at all this week.  Not once, besides the previous weekend.  So how mad could I be, that 30 is mine, its there, I just have to keep a cool head.  I spent the rest of the weekend very cautious of over indulgence. I had a banquet that night and so I filled up on salad and green beans first and then hit the other stuff, o i ate that cheesecake and dinner roll....but it was the smaller portions I chose.  Today being sunday, I had mexican and pot pie, nothing abnormal there from any other sunday.  All that to say, tomorrow I have to start again, get a grip, and realize that my choices are benefiting my health and that the numbers should come secondary to that.  I will say, I remember the day where I could down a large chipotle burrito, chip and guac, and a large soda without blinking.  I'm glad I am no longer able to do that.

Better a Has-been than a Never-was. But better a Never-was than a Never-tried-to-be.
Anonymous