Well I did it. I hit my 30 mark...31.2 to be exact! YAY. unfortunately that all went out the window when i ate...and ate...and ate. oops. ok so confession. weekends are tough for me. I want a break from all the discipline so i relax, stop tracking, and eat. I like to save the majority of my weekly points for the weekend because #1. its the weekend, and #2. Its the first two days after my meeting and that gives me the following 5 days to get it together again. Now, I try to really not overdue it, but for those of you who are experienced at all....every now and again a tune up is in order. So last weekend I knew I had over did it, I did not know by how much but I figured I needed to start tracking over the weekend...which ironically enough was the topic of conversation in this week's weight watcher meeting. So, I did pretty good Saturday with my latte for breakfast, chipotle burrito bowl salad for lunch, and oklahoma joe's for dinner (did i say good? hehe I meant ok). I used all my daily points and 12 weekly points...nope, I meant 30....I forgot the fries. Sunday...easter....need I say more?!?!?! holy cow, I used appx 80 points that day....more than double my daily allowance! ok, so that was really really REALLY bad. Here's my deal....Wow, I am glad a tracked! Because I have set myself up for success the rest of the week, planning healthy meals, lots of fruit and small low point treats to tied me over. I feel full and satisfied, and like I could still lose weight even if I was the very definition of a glutton this weekend. That's what its all about, the fact that I am finally realizing, I don't have to go on month long (or longer) binges and month long diets anymore, I can feel great about eating healthy and even feel great that even if a mess up, I can still get it right the next day.
On the "body" side of things, I notice my body is feel looser, which is nice to not feel bloated or restrained in my own body. On the down side, I am getting flabby! gross! lol I feel like jell-o sometimes with how un-toned my body is. On the up side, my dear friend Elizabeth handed me a bag full of her "down-a-size" collection and I am super excited to say I can easily fit into them. I remember her wearing these items and I get excited that may be I look that good!
Working out....O man, I want to work out, but I haven't really found my nitch yet. I wish I knew what it was that I like to do for working out.
Ok, I am done rambling, but I will say that overall, I feel great and my instructor quoted a fellow member and I will do my best to replicate it. "Its hard to track food, eat right, discipline your body. Its hard to look in a crowded room and feel like the fattest person there, to have low self-esteem, and to feel trapped in your own body--you have to choose your 'hard'".
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Missing the Mark
Well, I didn't gain, but I didn't hit my mark...I wanted that 30lbs this week. My weigh-in??? 29.8!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?! .2lbs off! I know I know, I'll hit it next week, but COME ON! So how did I handle this "devestation"? lol Well, after the meeting I went to Starbucks for my venti soy latte, after work, I went to Chipotle....and got a full 22pt burrito and chips and guac, o and a soda (non-diet). Why?!?!?! I didn't enjoy the burrito and couldn't finish it or the chips, but why did I feel the need to just go back to my old ways? O man, I felt terrible. It was so silly, I really ate what I shouldn't and even though I allow some grace and weekly points for my weekends, I set myself for a failed weekend. I mean, if I had evaluated my situation, I'd have to be honest about the fact that I didn't work out at all this week. Not once, besides the previous weekend. So how mad could I be, that 30 is mine, its there, I just have to keep a cool head. I spent the rest of the weekend very cautious of over indulgence. I had a banquet that night and so I filled up on salad and green beans first and then hit the other stuff, o i ate that cheesecake and dinner roll....but it was the smaller portions I chose. Today being sunday, I had mexican and pot pie, nothing abnormal there from any other sunday. All that to say, tomorrow I have to start again, get a grip, and realize that my choices are benefiting my health and that the numbers should come secondary to that. I will say, I remember the day where I could down a large chipotle burrito, chip and guac, and a large soda without blinking. I'm glad I am no longer able to do that.
Better a Has-been than a Never-was. But better a Never-was than a Never-tried-to-be.
Anonymous
Better a Has-been than a Never-was. But better a Never-was than a Never-tried-to-be.
Anonymous
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Playfully healthy
So I have started to only post once a week, but I couldn't resist the urge to comment on my latest finding. Throughout the last couple of weeks, I realized something, I have slowly started to make a community of healthy strivers around me. Virtually everyday, I am approached or approach someone in my work, church, online who want to talk health. WOW! Is this really who I am becoming??? Someone who is known by my friends, co-workers, and family as a go-to person for encouragement, advice, experiences. I hope so, not for my own pride, but rather for my own support. I find when I am told or tell someone that we should choose an orange over icecream and can have the icecream tomorrow if we plan for it, that not only do I make the right choices, but I also feel like I've taken yet another step in the right direction. Community and buddies are really the way to go. When you make healthy living a part of your every day community and conversation its really hard to not make it a part of you. So rather than be embarrassed about losing weight and joining weight watchers, I suck it up and shout it loud and proud! its a good way to create accountability. :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Reviewing the old
Well, this week I've lost a whopping 28.8lbs. I biked 16 miles and went roller skating with friends. Another successful week.
Here's this weeks review....
I have never seen myself as fat. O, I saw the numbers on the scale and in my mind i KNEW I was obese, but I never saw it in the mirror or photos (like everyone says you're supposed to). I tried and tried and tried, but couldn't see myself for what I was....unhealthy. It wasn't until about 25 minutes ago when I was looking through old photos of me over the last year and a half that I finally saw it. HOLY COW! I mean wow, why didn't anyone tell me! I look at those photos and think "how in the sweet world did I get like this?!?!?!?" I mean, my face! my legs!, my ARMS! o wow....I had no idea. I guess, my life has finally had a reality check. Here I have had a crazy year full of out of control circumstances...yet thanks to that ride, I have finally seen out out of control my life has always been. Emotionally, mentally, physically. I can't believe I am going to admit this-but thank God I was hit by a car. I SAID IT! I would not be here where I am (on the path to health and balance) if it had not been for that. What a long journey back from chaos, but the promise land is worth it.
Here's this weeks review....
I have never seen myself as fat. O, I saw the numbers on the scale and in my mind i KNEW I was obese, but I never saw it in the mirror or photos (like everyone says you're supposed to). I tried and tried and tried, but couldn't see myself for what I was....unhealthy. It wasn't until about 25 minutes ago when I was looking through old photos of me over the last year and a half that I finally saw it. HOLY COW! I mean wow, why didn't anyone tell me! I look at those photos and think "how in the sweet world did I get like this?!?!?!?" I mean, my face! my legs!, my ARMS! o wow....I had no idea. I guess, my life has finally had a reality check. Here I have had a crazy year full of out of control circumstances...yet thanks to that ride, I have finally seen out out of control my life has always been. Emotionally, mentally, physically. I can't believe I am going to admit this-but thank God I was hit by a car. I SAID IT! I would not be here where I am (on the path to health and balance) if it had not been for that. What a long journey back from chaos, but the promise land is worth it.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
How I got here.
Today I got an "anchor" for losing 25lbs. I had decided earlier this week that I would post exactly how I got to be 247lbs. First, let me first say that I have thus far exercised 5 times this week for a grand total of 35miles on the bike with medium resistance.
Okay so let me start by saying that as a kid I had bad cravings. My tongue loved the taste of certain foods. Specifically I remember sneaking food all the time: sugar, butter (yes butter), chocolate bark, peanut butter, candy, cookies, etc. As I got older, say pre-teen, I remember my first emotional binge. I was having a hard time feeling loved and accepted (as every other girl) and I just thought to myself "if I just eat as much as my dad does, he'll be impressed". If you know my dad at all, he is skinny as a toothpick but can put it away like a NFL superstar. So one morning, I copied my dad exactly with 4 eggo waffles and a boat full of butter and syrup. My dad was NOT impressed, instead he scolded me (as any good parent should do) and tried to get it through my head that that was way to much for a little girl. Instead of being able to receive the correcting I took it as an act of unlove and an emotional scar. That was the beginning of my emotional binges; and since I was homeschool and often times spent a lot of time alone in the house, I had plenty of opportunity to eat whatever, whenever. I snuck food all the time. My first weigh-in in highschool was a shocker: I was 5'6, 14 years old and 189lbs. My self-esteem was rock bottom, I had a food addiction and fed myself to make myself feel better. This continued throughout highschool, by the time I graduated I was a fantastic 225lbs. After highschool is when the "dieting" began. Mostly, I struggled with starving, fasting, bulimic, binging type behaviors, where I was either not eating at all, or I was eating everything in site. I took several exercise classes in junior college and the did help my heart to improve but never stuck with any of them. Over the years I began to balance out. I had created some nasty eating habits, but overall I was consistant and the binging and starving had stopped. I started my second degree in 2007 and that is when my weight shot up to the 245lbs range. After two years of surviving school with lattes, late night dinners, and no time to exercise, I was done in. It was after I started my full-time job that I began to take a passion in caring about my body. I see patients who have been on the same road as me and after 50-60 years they are unable to care for themselves in any way, shape, or form. I started working out more consistantly (not enough to lose weight but enough to improve my endurance). My sisters wedding was around that time and I was determined to fit into this dress. I starved and worked my butt into that dressed. From there I felt motivated to continue. I put a meal plan in place where my late night foods for gone (no eating after 6pm), my breakfast should be healthy and my lunch I could do whatever. I lost around 10lbs with that. That was when I hit by a car (we all know this story so I will keep it short), in a matter of 2 weeks I went from 235 to 225 (and that was before my jaw was wired shut) then down to 220. Every complimented me on how great I looked and my only thought was "yeah, this is NOT an ideal weight loss plan". So I went into survival mode and after going on some anti-depressants to get me through the healing time, I managed to gain every bit back of my 247lbs. I had become more active physically, when my body would let me, and just found I saw myself for what I was....Someone whose life was out of control and on a very destructive path. I got off the anti-depressants, and started on a journey to gain health and balance in my life. That brings us to december when I decided I had spent 26 years eating whatever I wanted and leading myself down a path of misery; now I was going to spend the next 26 years gaining health and happiness.
And that's how I approach my weight loss. Everything I do points to something healthy I can keep up for the rest of my lift. :)
Okay so let me start by saying that as a kid I had bad cravings. My tongue loved the taste of certain foods. Specifically I remember sneaking food all the time: sugar, butter (yes butter), chocolate bark, peanut butter, candy, cookies, etc. As I got older, say pre-teen, I remember my first emotional binge. I was having a hard time feeling loved and accepted (as every other girl) and I just thought to myself "if I just eat as much as my dad does, he'll be impressed". If you know my dad at all, he is skinny as a toothpick but can put it away like a NFL superstar. So one morning, I copied my dad exactly with 4 eggo waffles and a boat full of butter and syrup. My dad was NOT impressed, instead he scolded me (as any good parent should do) and tried to get it through my head that that was way to much for a little girl. Instead of being able to receive the correcting I took it as an act of unlove and an emotional scar. That was the beginning of my emotional binges; and since I was homeschool and often times spent a lot of time alone in the house, I had plenty of opportunity to eat whatever, whenever. I snuck food all the time. My first weigh-in in highschool was a shocker: I was 5'6, 14 years old and 189lbs. My self-esteem was rock bottom, I had a food addiction and fed myself to make myself feel better. This continued throughout highschool, by the time I graduated I was a fantastic 225lbs. After highschool is when the "dieting" began. Mostly, I struggled with starving, fasting, bulimic, binging type behaviors, where I was either not eating at all, or I was eating everything in site. I took several exercise classes in junior college and the did help my heart to improve but never stuck with any of them. Over the years I began to balance out. I had created some nasty eating habits, but overall I was consistant and the binging and starving had stopped. I started my second degree in 2007 and that is when my weight shot up to the 245lbs range. After two years of surviving school with lattes, late night dinners, and no time to exercise, I was done in. It was after I started my full-time job that I began to take a passion in caring about my body. I see patients who have been on the same road as me and after 50-60 years they are unable to care for themselves in any way, shape, or form. I started working out more consistantly (not enough to lose weight but enough to improve my endurance). My sisters wedding was around that time and I was determined to fit into this dress. I starved and worked my butt into that dressed. From there I felt motivated to continue. I put a meal plan in place where my late night foods for gone (no eating after 6pm), my breakfast should be healthy and my lunch I could do whatever. I lost around 10lbs with that. That was when I hit by a car (we all know this story so I will keep it short), in a matter of 2 weeks I went from 235 to 225 (and that was before my jaw was wired shut) then down to 220. Every complimented me on how great I looked and my only thought was "yeah, this is NOT an ideal weight loss plan". So I went into survival mode and after going on some anti-depressants to get me through the healing time, I managed to gain every bit back of my 247lbs. I had become more active physically, when my body would let me, and just found I saw myself for what I was....Someone whose life was out of control and on a very destructive path. I got off the anti-depressants, and started on a journey to gain health and balance in my life. That brings us to december when I decided I had spent 26 years eating whatever I wanted and leading myself down a path of misery; now I was going to spend the next 26 years gaining health and happiness.
And that's how I approach my weight loss. Everything I do points to something healthy I can keep up for the rest of my lift. :)
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