Today I got an "anchor" for losing 25lbs. I had decided earlier this week that I would post exactly how I got to be 247lbs. First, let me first say that I have thus far exercised 5 times this week for a grand total of 35miles on the bike with medium resistance.
Okay so let me start by saying that as a kid I had bad cravings. My tongue loved the taste of certain foods. Specifically I remember sneaking food all the time: sugar, butter (yes butter), chocolate bark, peanut butter, candy, cookies, etc. As I got older, say pre-teen, I remember my first emotional binge. I was having a hard time feeling loved and accepted (as every other girl) and I just thought to myself "if I just eat as much as my dad does, he'll be impressed". If you know my dad at all, he is skinny as a toothpick but can put it away like a NFL superstar. So one morning, I copied my dad exactly with 4 eggo waffles and a boat full of butter and syrup. My dad was NOT impressed, instead he scolded me (as any good parent should do) and tried to get it through my head that that was way to much for a little girl. Instead of being able to receive the correcting I took it as an act of unlove and an emotional scar. That was the beginning of my emotional binges; and since I was homeschool and often times spent a lot of time alone in the house, I had plenty of opportunity to eat whatever, whenever. I snuck food all the time. My first weigh-in in highschool was a shocker: I was 5'6, 14 years old and 189lbs. My self-esteem was rock bottom, I had a food addiction and fed myself to make myself feel better. This continued throughout highschool, by the time I graduated I was a fantastic 225lbs. After highschool is when the "dieting" began. Mostly, I struggled with starving, fasting, bulimic, binging type behaviors, where I was either not eating at all, or I was eating everything in site. I took several exercise classes in junior college and the did help my heart to improve but never stuck with any of them. Over the years I began to balance out. I had created some nasty eating habits, but overall I was consistant and the binging and starving had stopped. I started my second degree in 2007 and that is when my weight shot up to the 245lbs range. After two years of surviving school with lattes, late night dinners, and no time to exercise, I was done in. It was after I started my full-time job that I began to take a passion in caring about my body. I see patients who have been on the same road as me and after 50-60 years they are unable to care for themselves in any way, shape, or form. I started working out more consistantly (not enough to lose weight but enough to improve my endurance). My sisters wedding was around that time and I was determined to fit into this dress. I starved and worked my butt into that dressed. From there I felt motivated to continue. I put a meal plan in place where my late night foods for gone (no eating after 6pm), my breakfast should be healthy and my lunch I could do whatever. I lost around 10lbs with that. That was when I hit by a car (we all know this story so I will keep it short), in a matter of 2 weeks I went from 235 to 225 (and that was before my jaw was wired shut) then down to 220. Every complimented me on how great I looked and my only thought was "yeah, this is NOT an ideal weight loss plan". So I went into survival mode and after going on some anti-depressants to get me through the healing time, I managed to gain every bit back of my 247lbs. I had become more active physically, when my body would let me, and just found I saw myself for what I was....Someone whose life was out of control and on a very destructive path. I got off the anti-depressants, and started on a journey to gain health and balance in my life. That brings us to december when I decided I had spent 26 years eating whatever I wanted and leading myself down a path of misery; now I was going to spend the next 26 years gaining health and happiness.
And that's how I approach my weight loss. Everything I do points to something healthy I can keep up for the rest of my lift. :)
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